Stories and Prompts

  After a few days of having a tantrum, something about self sabotage. Inability to follow up on things that I say I wanna do. It's a new day and I'm ready to start over. Something that I would do frequently and I understand how. I don't know why though. I know how to start over. I don't know why I have to why I keep stopping. Just what I'm getting things together. This seemed to have started the day that the blog book came, and it was not right, and I realized that I had not navigated. Their new order page. This is the 10th book that I've ordered. Nine of them were fine. This one came back just a disaster. And I don't know why and so far I haven't been willing to go and start over, but I will do it because I want that 10th book. And then I will not do it again. I'll be through with blog books. Tends enough. Whether this writing here will ever become a book or not is moot.   I try to follow the directions in K Adams book and it isn't helping ...

  After yesterday's reproachful start. I changed my attitude toward my life. It's not about giant steps, it's about knowing that improvement is possible and that it's up to me to move at my own pace. As long as I'm comfortable with what I'm doing. And comfortable with how I'm doing it. That's enough. I don't wanna be negative. I don't wanna add to the negativities in the collective. There's so much anger and hate and Division I can't add to it with my thoughts. I wanna add I wanna change. It was. With positive iti. I know that's possible. I know everybody's thoughts go to the collective. If you went away at torda positive, you have to put your mind to being positive about your life. And I am. I had a lovely visit with Rosalie. Yes, yesterday. She took all the light strings and she's gonna put him in her little shed. Her what? She calls her. She shed. I like the idea of those lights helping someone else. I was just wasn't u...

  It's self reproach Monday. I spent the weekend sitting using the cold and the wet. Wind as an excuse to sit. And I'm reproaching myself because I'm so weak. I have no muscle tone left. Just stepped out on the deck and I didn't try to do some step ups and it made me lightheaded. It's not a good thing. And it's up to me to change it. This thing I have to do. And yet I have so much support, so many friends, so many people wishing me well, and the only person that can change any of this is me. Today I will go out and walk in spite of the wind, I'll bundle up if I only go around the block, I'll be happy that at least I got out of the house. Except for going to church, I haven't been out of this house for more than two weeks. Using the weather is accused .   I have been eating too much, sitting too much, watching too much TV, all things that do not fit in how I say I wanna live my life. The tiny steps have many thing. I mean to do better, I want to d...

  The downside of making intentions? To improve as the way I'm living my life. Is that? I do the new things and there's still all this time leftover. With nothing to do. So I re read for half an hour. I work on a puzzle, I do some exercises. I go outside and walk around, come back in the house. And I'm right back in the COVID trance. Easiest thing to do is turn on the TV and sit back and find something to snack on. It's really hard to keep going and find something stimulating, both to mind and body, and certainly to emotions too. I don't know what to do. Holly and I talked about it this morning. You know what can we do to make a little bit more out of our time? While we're feeling better and we still have nothing to fill that time. Whoever thought we'd complain about that? I do enjoy the reading for half an hour. I have been reading some short stories that are from a book given to me by Michelle and they're very intriguing. I've enjoyed them. I do go...

  Is still progress. Let's go. Two step Well, I'm still learning. How do use this? It just seems to me like every day I have to start over and it's making me a little uncomfortable. I wanted it to be easy and I know it will be as I use it every day. Anyway I was saying two steps forward. One step back is still. Progress. So I had two days when I was very interested in improving my daily life. And then yesterday I just sat and snacked and. Fell right back into the. COVID isolation mode. It's OK. I know that learning to be well again is something I need to practice. Like everything else that that involves. Change habits don't change overnight. You have to work at it. You have to be patient with it. You have to be willing. To put up with the days when things don't work, and I know that so well, I've reinvented myself so many times. It's incredible. And yet I continue to be the best I can, even when it doesn't look like it.   Watching juju with her n...

  when COVID first started. There. There was so much controversy. There was so much controversy and so little information. We listened to Andrew Cuomo every morning when he told us what was going on in New York was as close to real news as we could get. Our government wasn't very good at keeping us in. Wanna tell us what was going on? There was a lot of anxiety right here at home. Chuck was right on it, he said. We're going to start collecting some food and be prepared in case we had some isolation. And they were very. Careful with me. I was in my head and I insisted that I wanted to go to the grocery store. And I was so shocked when I got there. I felt like I was in a foreign country. Because everyone was absolutely silent, there were these arrows on the floor that told you which direction you could walk in, and I'll there was their cities. There was empty shelves. People were so strange. There was no eye contact. There was a. Death. Deliberate attempt. To stay away from ...